So I've got a bit of a theme going with my titles, and no this one doesn't mean that I'm going away, it's more so directed at him. We're running into some logistics issues. Ben's not doing great, he's still sweet and loving and trying hard to be good, but where we used to run into the odd little stamping feet tantrum, now it's turned into a full body all out expression of pure rage. I think we need to look into getting him to a therapist, maybe just to help him with things. He'll so things like straighten all the blankets in the living room and then look at me and say, "So Daddy is proud of me when he comes home" or he won't sleep until nearly midnight so that he can keep coming up to me to make sure I'm still here and tell me he loves me or get a kiss and hug. So I told him that he needs to visit the kids at home for a bit, to try and work into this, of course that's not good enough for him, he says we'll do both. I hate how he needs to control everything. And now it's thursday and he has yet to tell me what days and for how long he'd like to visit the children. And for once, I'm going to take my mother's advice and I'm going to play the game. It is not my responsibility to chase him down and bug him until he gives me an answer so I'm making plans and he's just going to have to work around them. Right now, I'm waiting to hear back from my mom, to see if she's visiting on Saturday, and if she get's back to me first well, he'll be SOL, because I will not be sitting around on tenderhooks waiting for him to call before I decide what to do with my life.
I'm done waiting for him.....
Music for Martians
-
This is a new video for ‘Rise Mountain Rise,’ the song we used to use as
our onstage intro. It kicked off our album ‘Mystery,’ which was reissued in
2016 a...
4 weeks ago
Posts
1 comment:
{He'll so things like straighten all the blankets in the living room and then look at me and say, "So Daddy is proud of me when he comes home" or he won't sleep until nearly midnight so that he can keep coming up to me to make sure I'm still here and tell me he loves me or get a kiss and hug.}
This is normal behavior for a kid in his situation, but normal/divorce is about as abnormal as we can get from the way we were created to live-so he is totally freaking out and scared to death.
Don't let him sleep IN your bed, but if it helps for him to have a sleeping bag on the floor of your room, so he will "KNOW" you aren't going anywhere, that might help-being exhausted doesn't help with the anger at all. You can also tell him that you will always be RIGHT HERE (and point to his heart)-don't promise him that you will never leave, because we can't totally control that...also be aware that time might be a huge thing for him-if you are going somewhere and leaving him with a sitter and you say "I will be back at 3" be back AT or before 3-My son is 14 now (9 years later) and he still get upset over things like that-that fear of me leaving runs deep.
IIRC, my son had rages for about 3 years-therapy might be a great thing for him to find constructive ways to deal with his anger, I know it helped in our house, but I do have to warn you, my son was done with his therapist 2 years before she was done with ME!
This is something that you need to set a boundary on NOW so that when the kids are bigger he will be used to it....THEIR SCHEDULES come first. If there is a birthday party for them to attend and its on daddy's day,,,then daddy needs to pick another day. They aren't the ones who chose to leave the family and they are being punished enough for something they had no say in.
That also means that if you have family coming in from out of town and you have not heard back from him on-you now have plans. Of course, if you have a visitation schedule and he is following it, you don't want to aggravate the situation by being difficult, this is for the times when "he can't be bothered"
Post a Comment