I love myself today, not like yesterday....

Sorry for the little pity party I threw myself yesterday everyone. Admittedly, I guess, it was one of the facets of what I'm going through and since I'm trying to post daily and keep a fairly accurate version of what I'm feeling and dealing with I guess it wasn't too out of place. But none the less, sorry. It just really hurt to hear that he's happier and I think one of the big things that I'm having problems with is that he was my best friend too, so not only did I lose my husband, lover and supporter, I also lost my best friend, confidente and emotional support. I know that those circumstances can make some of the best marriages but when it all falls to shit, it leaves me wandering around, either bothering people that I'm friendly with but have never really crossed the line with, talking the ear of any family member who will paste a "I'm slightly interested/sympathetic" look on their face, looking up people that I haven't really talked to in forever, or venting into the vast nothingness of the internet and although I appreciate all the support and kind words and loving thoughts that everyone has passed to me, what I really want to do is talk to my best friend or my husband, but he's the one who's doing all this to me so he's not really able to offer me any comfort. And all that does is make me angier and sadder, I'm just tired of this ache in my chest. The only time my heart should hurt this bad is if I was having a heart attack....

I miss my best friend.....