All I want is the wind in my hair, To face the fear but, not feel scared....

So it's been a while, but there hasn't really been much to update on the last post. He changed his mind a bit and now says that he's going to pay the bills directly like I'm an addict or something and can't be trusted to put my kids interests first and you know, keep the heat on. *Rolled eyes* However, he actually has yet to do that to the best of my knowledge. He got paid on Friday though, and I have yet to even see the small amount he promised me. I found out why he had such a snit fit though, he found out that with some money that was given to me specifically to "do something for me" from my Dad, I went to Bingo (seriously not my game, lol, a friend of ours goes and she invited me so that I had something to do). I'm not sure if he got pissed because I was out with "our" friend, or that I spent money, or that I was out period, not that it really matters, what I do is no longer any of his business, I don't ask what he spends on his twit or at the bars. He doesn't want to talk to me and refuses to keep me updated but still thinks that he can order me around, saying things like "I'm taking the kids this weekend" in an abrasive tone, all he would need to do is add "right?" to the end of the sentence and there would be no problems. And then when I start getting angry at how he continues to treat me, well, I'm just not being "reasonable." I'm a bit happy because I (finally) got a job that starts Monday. It will be nice to see some old friends and meet new people and actually have a life outside my kids again. But a lot of things are still really painful. Ben breaks my heart. He wants Daddy to come back and when he talks to him, he never wants to hang up the phone. He tries to call him back over and over again. It's gotten to the point that the calls are sporadic and since after two calls, HE turns his phone off so that Ben can't call back and Ben gets sooo upset that I'm thinking we might need to stop them completely. I am also getting ticked that he calls but never leaves a message. I never know if he wants to talk to me or the kids (again, not that he really talks to me but still, it would be nice to know before I had to call back). I'm just tired of having to console Ben all the time, I just wish this was all over, he explodes now at the smallest things, freaking out if things aren't going exactly how he expects, and then if I reprimand him, he sobs like his little heart is breaking and I end up consoling him again. I'm just getting really tired of this ride, I want to get off now.