There's a funny thing about grief. It's managable, it's cathartic and it's life changing sometimes. I was talking with my mother about this the other day and she asked me, if he came back and apologized, would I take him back, and I thought about it for a minute and then firmly replied that I wouldn't. I'm angry about his treatment of the kids and I'm angry that he didn't feel I was worth trying, but I don't really miss him anymore. I know that I'm better off without him. I've had my crying time, and it's over and I've adjusted to my new life. I am still scared of what's going to happen next and how I'm going to manage, but I don't want him. I deserve way better then what he gave me. I deserve a guy who puts me first like I put him. I deserve a guy who wants to be with me. I deserve a guy who doesn't put me down all the time under the guise of "just joking," who doesn't then try to make me feel worse for not being able to take a joke, but never really takes back the insult. I deserve a guy who doesn't try to control all the aspects of my life, giving me "instructions" on the proper way to do everything, even the dishes and laundry. I deserve a guy who makes me feel like the beautiful person I am, not fat. I deserve a considerate, loving, gentle, man not the selfish, cowardly boy that I married. And in the meantime, I will love myself and I will hold myself in high esteem because I will no longer let someone define me, I'm better then that.
I'm learning to love myself again...
Music for Martians
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This is a new video for ‘Rise Mountain Rise,’ the song we used to use as
our onstage intro. It kicked off our album ‘Mystery,’ which was reissued in
2016 a...
10 months ago
2 comments:
You go girl!
That last line is the most important part of this whole mess!
LoL, yeah I know I don't always make linear sense, I tend to just type on this thing, part of it is really using this like my journal, I just always felt weird writing to myself so this way I get to write to all of you, lol, sorry you all have to put up with it.
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