Optional....?

I have been having an online "verbal" sparring match with a lady over here on Supernanny Rules about a woman who was taken off a plane because she failed to control her children after being asked and in the eyes of the flight crew they were hazardous. During the course of our discussion, I made a comment about how it is our responsibility as parents to teach our children manners and to correct their behavior when needed to which she responded "Manners are societal expectations…they are optional."

Pardon me? I couldn't have heard you correctly, could you repeat that, please? I thought I heard you say manners are optional but that couldn't be right. That is what you said. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that you feel that way, would you excuse me please, I have a prior engagement. Thank you so much.

Really what can you say to that? "I'm sorry that you want people to think you were raised in a barn?" Because that's what my grandma would have asked me if I didn't show any manners. She would have added that if I was planning on acting like that in public, then I wasn't fit to go out in public and cancelled whatever we had planned that day.

Manners these days do seem to have fallen by the wayside. Gayle discussed it here but this drove me nuts all last night and I couldn't help but add my two cents in. So let's get started!

Door opening: Okay, now I know that this one is touchy what with woman's lib and everything, and honestly I don't expect my husband to open the door for me. Which is not to say that I'm not blushing and smiling non-stop at my husband when he does, just that I don't expect it. But what I do expect is that if you get to the door in front of someone, that you hold it open for them, regardless of sex. To me this is just common courtesy. Now occasionally when I get stuck at church, holding the door for 30 minutes while everyone pours though, I wish someone would
offer to take it from me, and please let it be someone besides the sweet old man who's more
gallant then everyone else. It was sweet of him to offer but I'll handle it in that case. But the number of times that I have had someone drop a door on me as I'm trying to push my double stroller though. GRRR! Just look around and pay attention to other people for once please!

Stopping to Help Someone on the side of the Road: Okay, I'm insanely guilty of this one, I'll admit it. Honestly, it's just because a) I don't own a cell phone, so I can't call anyone for
you and b) it's usually just me and the kids in the car and I am about as mechanically inclined as
a cat. If I stop, then someone who might actually be able to do something may think that the
situation is under control and not stop, so I think it's best. I think what makes my not stopping
worse, is that I have been the recipient of many good Samaritans who I would like to thank.

To the lady who called 911 when I got into my head in collision at 7 months pregnant, thank you.
Your quick action and calm, considerate attitude helped calm me and probably kept my husband from hurting the lady that pulled out 10 feet in front of us and stopped, causing our accident. Thank you.

To the man who not only stopped on the side of the highway to let me use his cell phone to call AAA when my car broke down with my two month old baby inside but also offered to explain to the AAA lady where the La Salle Expressway was as she couldn't find it, Thank you. You helped me to keep my cool and not yell at the lady who was also just trying to help. Thank you.

To the man who got out of his car in the pouring rain to find a crying 8 mos pregnant woman in the car in front of him when my alternator went and I had no power to my car, even for my four ways while I was stuck in an intersection, thank you. You didn't have to get out, you could have just leaned on the horn and given me the finger as you drove by like everyone else and instead you arranged to help me get to a garage and helped me get my car fixed. Thank you.

I know the chances of these people finding my site are slim, but I needed to get that out there, even just to show that there are some good people still.

You're Welcome: Where have these words gone? Did they disappear from our language? I think that I have mainly just been noticing it since my son started to learn his manners but still where are they? I watch as he looks at adults and says "Thank you" only to have to add "You're Welcome" right afterwards since they don't say it and he is trying to learn that that's what you say. It's hard to teach a child manners when he is not learning how to act like most adults but rather how to act better then most adults.

Mr. Mrs. Sir Ma'am: Now this one I struggle with, not for myself but for when and how to teach it to my son. When I grew up, I was not allowed to call an adult by their first name. Period. I remember being a teenager and being asked by my friend's parents for about the bajillionth time to call them "Karen" and "John" to which I would usually reply "I'll try Mr. or Mrs. Smith" I wasn't trying to be obstinate but it was almost impossible for me to go against my upbringing and call them by their first name. We insist that Ben call his "teacher" (daycare) Miss Angie but we don't know when to start making this an issue for our friends. That and I'm not sure I want his friends trying to call me my unpronounceable last name.

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It's hard enough these days to raise kids, with everyone and their neighbor offering an opinion and I understand that, but come on, please make the effort. Set your kids up for success by giving them basic manners so that they can sail through the world and not need to scream and throw a fit to get their way. I have found in so many cases that when I handle the issue with a polite attitude and grace versus my husband's method of getting upset, that I usually get what I want done and I get it done faster. Common courtesy is becoming extinct but if we all teach our children it, then maybe we can keep it alive. All that compassion that the commenter kept rebuking us for not having, well manners play a part in that since all they are is simply looking around and treating others with the same considerate attitude that you want to be treated with. You'll also find that sometimes you need to give before you can receive and if you show the world a polite, respectful face, you'll find that the world will respond in kind and maybe we would have a few less incidences like the one that inspired this post.